Are you a goal setter?
I ask because not everyone is.
Nothing wrong with that at all.
You may have reasons for not doing so.
Or perhaps you were brought up in a generation where people 'didn't go in for that kind of thing'. That's actually very common.
And then there are the 'resolutions' at the start of the year. We make them with good intentions but they wither on the vine in the second week of January. That feels frustrating, doesn't it?
Maybe you'd love to set goals but you are worried that you will fail?
Or perhaps you'd like to give it a go but don't know how to do it?
One of the reasons why we often fail with achieving our goals is because they are big. And when they are big, it sets our mindset off into telling us that we will never be able to achieve them. That we don't have the resources and skills to be able to do it. And that we will fail.
And once we start to think of fear, our subsconscious mind rushes in to protect us. It will feed back to us everything that we have come to associate with fear over the years. All of the worse case scenarios and reasons not to do something. This sets our alarm bells going and we start to listen to those subconscious thoughts and talk ourselves out of doing things.
It's always useful to remind ourselves that these thoughts are often Limiting Beliefs and that it is highly unlikely that they are relevant to what we are doing now.
The word 'goal' in itself can sometimes feel a bit scary. If it does, just replace it with something that feels right for you. Because goals when used in the right way are most definitely the way to move from where you are now to where you want to be. But you have to break them down into smaller goals and actions.
Because those smaller actions, taken consistently, are actually really powerful in leading us to the outcome that we want. A good outcome. Achieving our goal. Or doing something outside of our comfort zone or moving away from something that we no longer want for ourselves.
Women in particular often find it difficult to take little steps because we can be a little impatient and tend to think that there is no point in taking 'a little bit of action' because it feels too small. For some reason, we kid ourselves into thinking that taking action needs to be hard and we brush off little steps as being a bit pointless because 'they won't get us anywhere'. And that is where we go very wrong. Because if the big goal is too scary, yet the small steps are too small - we are effectively counting ourselves out of doing the things that we want to do.
But goals are absolutely meant to be broken down. Because with every action we take, we start to feel more confident. Each little action when ticked off empowers us to move onto the next thing. And if there is a challenging step, we can do little bits towards achieving it until we succeed.
Please do believe me when I say that consistent, regular action will always win over no action and that you really need to cut yourself some slack when it comes to only focusing on the end goal.
It is important to know what you want to achieve, why you want it and how it will make you feel once you have BUT you do need a plan of smaller steps that will lead you there. One or two consistent actions every single day really do lead you towards the next stage.
By far and large, the key to setting a goal in the first place is to know why you really want to achieve it. Here's a few questions that you might want to ask yourself to help you to get started :
What is happening in my life to tell me that I need to take action in this particular area?
What is missing in my life that tells me that this is a problem right now?
How will I feel if I achieve this goal?
What will achieving this goal give me that I don't already have?
What will be the positive effect on the other areas of my life if I achieve this goal?
List everything that you possibly can that tells you why you really want to achieve your goal.
Once you are clear on your goal, you can start to break it down into smaller chunks of action that will each take you one step closer to where you want to be. And then CHOOSE ONE OR TWO THINGS that you know that you can do easily to get you started and that you will commit to. And then hold yourself accountable.
There really is nothing worse than wanting to take action but not feeling able to do so. It starts to feel like a constant weight that you drag around with you and you sit with a constant feeling of knowing that there is something that you need and want to do. When we don't take action, if leads to procrastination. We make our job harder by thinking of all the reasons why we can't do something. And trust me - that ends up with a bigger list than taking one small step in the right direction.
Procrastination also has a knock on effect on our self belief because we subconsciously get cross with ourselves and become very self critical, we start to feel less than and frustrated that we can't achieve something that we consider to be simple. And so the cycle goes on.
Don't do it to yourself.
If there is something that you really want, it is yours to have if you put the work in. Have a go with the above suggestions and see what comes up for you.
Once you start to get used to the idea and implement doing things in this way, you start to notice your own progress. And you get better at it.
Remember - you haven't failed if you haven't given yourself a chance to try yet.
And if you need help with any of these things, let me know and we can have a chat to see if coaching would help you to move forward and start taking the action that you really want to or you can book a call with me to find out how I can support you.
My name is Nicky Kentisbeer and I am a Mindset & Confidence Coach.
I support women like you to work on your mindset and develop the confidence that you need to move beyond the challenges that are keeping you stuck, towards a place that you would much rather be.
I do this based on the belief that you have within you the most incredible resources and capabilities to find your own solutions - irrespective of your background or starting point. There is no barrier to entry.
Maybe you have a feeling of being stuck, going round in circles or living the same day over and over? Or you are finding that the way you approach problems and challenges always gives you the same result. And it’s not the one that you want.
The feeling of being stuck is incredibly disempowering because it brings about feelings of indecision, procrastination, overthinking and fear which in turn can affect our self-belief and confidence.
And if you stop to think about it, you may find that you fear success as much as you do failure. Sometimes staying stuck may feel like a safer place to be when the alternative means change and stepping outside of your comfort zone? There is nothing unusual here as we do all have a tendency to stand in our own way at times.
This may happen because you have lost sight of how resourceful you are. You may also allow old beliefs and stories to inform your response to what is going on for you currently. Yet, much of this narrative is historical and it is no longer relevant to your life now and the choices that you make.
As your coach, I can support you to understand and address the things that may be holding you back from achieving your goals.
Through 1-to-1 coaching sessions, we will explore what it is that you want and the steps that you need to take to get started. I will ask lots of questions! Questions that you may not have asked of yourself. It is through these questions that I invite you to look at things in different ways, from a different perspective and access your own solutions accordingly. I will invite you to look at old beliefs and the stories that you may be telling yourself about your abilities.
I do not teach nor tell you how things should be done. And there is no judgement. If this resonates with you, I invite you to book a free 30-minute call with me to discuss whether coaching would be the right approach for you to start turning your ideas and aspirations into action.